Almost pumpkin pancake time.

PS, I want to take a long walk in the mountains & braid Devin’s hair because he is as beautiful as ever & still doesn’t always realize it.
Besides the cats, I am the only one awake.
Still so much mystery about why I’m drawn to Boise when its slightly oppressive (oppressing?) history is so light…
something about [...]

something illuminated by a projector

if I land in Salt Lake City & the mountains make me cry
& I’m not sure whether this is because I feel overjoyed to see them or because I feel oppressed by them, by what parts of my life here stood for…
…if I publish this, am I dealing with these feelings? It feels like releasing [...]

Notes for myself on a poem I won’t post

What does it mean to have permission? (The question is, who do I allow to grant me permission?)
What is the difference between permission and consent? What is held in the worlds of these words? I see it as permission is dependent on a dependent relationship. If someone is granting me permission, they hold some kind [...]

expectation

VII.
What kind of beast would turn its life into words?
What atonement is this all about?
–and yet, writing words like these, I’m also living.
Is all this close to the wolverines’ howled signals,
that modulated cantata of the wild?
or, when away from you I try to create you in words,
am I simply using you, like a river or [...]

Hesitation

construct doesn’t mean control, though sometimes I wish it did, that I could choose
what my projects project, make yr I eye my I the way I build her
in poems. You see her differently than I see her & who is the I who sees
my I oh there is only winning in crafty use of we–
I [...]

Questions, maybe the legible kind.

Can we say that tolerance isn’t love? Does “tolerance” imply a stopping, an endpoint to the striving to accept? In what ways to I accept tolerance?
In what ways am I complicit with homophobia? With racism? With sexism? With classicism, with status-based oppression? What inside of me has not be overturned yet?
How to I enact my [...]

Queer Warhorse

Dream last night: talking to an artist that I went to college with, who I seldom talked to because she seemed so fascinating & together & I didn’t have the confidence to present myself as a whole person with whom someone would want to be friends. ANYWAY– we were talking about interesting things (queerness?) & [...]

queer, how it is

I want to be tired
& unclothed, for this stomachache to go away. To feel inspired
at a more convenient hour…
So much of my art might be the result of dealing with not ever knowing what it means to be “good”…
(not sure, though)
Up to get the coffee maker out of the cabinet. To list the things I [...]

celebration

To be good might be to keep going down my to-do list but this feels important. To celebrate–

Ducts.org is publishing “Adorable // Manly” & “Authenticity of Address” (!!) I’m probably more excited than one might usually be about this, but it’s my  first “professional” publication (&I’m even getting $10 for it!) I will probably be obnoxious & [...]

before the belly of the document

Today is designated as my sacred writing day cuz I meet with Marie tomorrow & I’m not sure how I feel about where my thesis is at. Okay, I guess. It is where it is, where it only can be right now.
A theme that keeps popping up lately has been the role of the subjectivity [...]