want, feelings

These photos capture what Idaho feels like to me.  What I feel like in Idaho. All week I have been meaning (hoping to have time) to write about my train ride home on Sunday night when I first viewed my friend Ryan’s new facebook album on my phone & I allowed myself to feel…
so often in my [...]

stick, please

Was supposed to write. Baked cookies instead. Didn’t put away my laundry.
Thinking about all the things I could write about. The Salt Lake poem I never finished about the bad tofu & lack of self control. Being a poet in the U.S. Imperialist Empire.
& what is pressing for me as a poet (person) right now. [...]

expectation

VII.
What kind of beast would turn its life into words?
What atonement is this all about?
–and yet, writing words like these, I’m also living.
Is all this close to the wolverines’ howled signals,
that modulated cantata of the wild?
or, when away from you I try to create you in words,
am I simply using you, like a river or [...]

queer, how it is

I want to be tired
& unclothed, for this stomachache to go away. To feel inspired
at a more convenient hour…
So much of my art might be the result of dealing with not ever knowing what it means to be “good”…
(not sure, though)
Up to get the coffee maker out of the cabinet. To list the things I [...]

celebration

To be good might be to keep going down my to-do list but this feels important. To celebrate–

Ducts.org is publishing “Adorable // Manly” & “Authenticity of Address” (!!) I’m probably more excited than one might usually be about this, but it’s my  first “professional” publication (&I’m even getting $10 for it!) I will probably be obnoxious & [...]

better // different

I love the concept of weekends that force me to see where I’m not yet living the way I intend, boldy throwing about words whose definitions need to change once I hit a resting place for them– always inadequate. The weekends themselves? Difficult, but immensly satisfying.
What does it mean for me to be transparent? To [...]

i will do what you ask me to do / because of how i feel about you

Can’t convince myself to sleep quite yet. Need to be writing more. Exhausted. Hands smell like cinnamon, fingers like fig jam. Drinking Gingerbread Cookie tea. Wanted to eat the apple bits from the pot.
Devin arrives on Sunday. I’ve been craving intimacy in inconvenient ways. Checked my email & facebook over a hundred times today, easy. [...]

two truths & a truth.

Yes, I currently have swine flu.
Yes, I went to the emergency room for the first time for something besides a bodily injury for the first time since I was eight or nine.
Yes, my grandfather died on Saturday morning.
Yes, yes, yes.
All I can seem to do is bask in the absurdity& spend lots of money trying [...]

on how to want to want to be open to others

Let’s be honest here: the only thing I am consistently considerate of is my own navel& I am insecure about the responses I offer, always afraid of being wrong, of asking too much, of assuming that I am wanted, that I deserve someone’s time. The worst thing in my mind is to be imposing, to [...]

the economy of relationship

Meditating– it dawned on me that I miss music, that easier expression, untranslated (I don’t have to translate into words) when I haven’t arrived at that point where I can discover the next thing in words.
Why am I an artist? Working with my hands would be such a fantastic cloak. Sometimes this is too hard, [...]